I had a "great escape" this weekend, ironically back home although I wasn't necessarily home sick, I just needed a break. I felt like I was in high school again, but during the good times. The same problems loomed over my head, the same laughter echoed in the kitchen at two thirty in the morning, but this time for different reasons. To think that just as a little as a year ago I had no idea of the people that I would meet or the things that I would do would come in the next few months and shape who I am forever. It makes me feel stupid and naive, which I think is a vital part of life that keeps you in tune with reality.

I was so emotionally and physically exhausted yesterday that I woke up this morning feeling "like a million bucks", and then had macaroni and cheese for lunch so that made me feel especially great! I went to meditation this afternoon and felt so relaxed that at some moments I forget to breath yet did not panic. If only my posture was better and my mind wasn't so fucking wonky I might be able to achieve nirvana. Some day, some day!

Every year when the weather gets nice again, I go through this really weird period of feeling like I don't exist. I don't know what it is but I always get very reflective and unintentionally (but thank god) remove things in my life that I don't even realize hurts me. I don't know what those things are yet but I definitely know who is important to me here and need to make more of a conscious effort taking advantage of our lives crossing in this moment. Time is so easy to waste and I forget this.

I really want to live in San Francisco and decided today, during meditation, that i'd like to try and get over there after I graduate. I can see myself settling there and finding myself when all of this academic bullshit is over. I love New England but I think we need a break for awhile and maybe we'll drunkenly hook up again in the future. Don't cry, Boston, you'll always be my first.

I have no idea where I will be in a year - not even a slight hint. I can't take all of this anticipation! There is no better feeling than being young with an open future ahead of you, and yet there is also nothing worse. For now i'll just keep my back to the wind, arms outstretched and open my eyes once I feel the earth beneath my feet again.